How Do You Do Trust? October 2022 Newsletter Article
“You’ll have to earn my trust.” Has anyone ever said that to you? Have you ever felt like someone treated you like that?
I know people who approach every new relationship feeling like people have something to prove. As one of my coaching friends said to me about a client she was working with, “Who do you think you are?” She explained that while her client felt like people needed to earn his trust, most people were just walking away, saying, “This guy isn’t worth the effort.”
When you think people have to prove themselves, you close the door on loads of potential relationships.
On the flip side, you probably shouldn’t trust the next random person you meet at the mall, or an unknown individual with a hot stock tip.
At EDSI, we tend to extend trust and wait for people to let us down. 95% of the time, they never do. At the same time, we leave space open for amazing relationships with the greatest number of people.
Ultimately, I would ask you to give people the benefit of the doubt. If you meet someone you believe you can trust, move forward with an open mind and a generous heart. There is a fantastic chance you will have a new, beautiful relationship.
So what about feedback? Whom do you trust when receiving feedback?
Recently, I received some feedback from someone that directly conflicted with part of my identity. Meaning, they gave me some critical feedback that was directly opposed to an area of my life that I feel is a strength, and an area where I apply daily effort to perform well and grow.
Immediately, I did what I always do. I try to say, “Thank you,” and then I look in the mirror. I ask myself if their comments resonate with me and whether or not I would like to invest in any change.
Fortunately, I was reading Jay Shetty’s book, “Think like a Monk,” at the same time. In there, he talks about the four types of trust:
- Competence: Does this person have any ability or experience?
- Care: Is the person thinking about what is best for you, not what is best for them? Do they believe in you?
- Character: Does this person have a strong, moral compass and uncompromising values?
- Consistency: This person may not be the most competent, but they will always be there for you.
I was able to hold the feedback I received up against Jay’s four types of trust. It turned out the person delivering the feedback was not competent in the area we were discussing. Also, they rarely, if ever, put my needs ahead of their own. Strike two. Finally, the person has average moral values, certainly not uncompromising, and they have not consistently been there when I needed them.
It is important to point out that one person will likely never be able to fulfill all four types of trust for you. I like to ask myself if this is someone from whom I would seek feedback? Did you go looking for feedback, or did they simply throw it at you?
I will continue to follow my process. When someone gives me feedback, I will look in the mirror and reflect about my potential need to change. I will now be able to add Jay’s four types of trust model to my toolbox.
Hopefully, you have lots of people in your life, and within your EDSI family, who put you first, see through your eyes, and deliver feedback from a place of care and competence.
Thank you for living our values so well. Please take great care of yourselves and one another.